Suicide Prevention

So, suicide has been on everyone's mind lately. And a lot of people think that sharing the Hotline numbers isn't the kind of thing that people should be doing. And they think that we should all just check up on our friends and neighbors, and that this will prevent suicide and other horrible things.

Well, it won't. It really really won't.

You suck at helping others with mental illness. So do I. So do most people. You are not the person to talk to in a crisis.

There are emergency services for a reason. They are better prepared to take the time that it requires to listen to the person. They have training and experience and understanding that most of the world has no idea about. Most people wouldn't even tell their friends exactly how they are feeling, for fear of freaking them out.

The suicide hotline gets shared for awareness of its existence, a reminder that help is just a google away. It gets shared because suicide attempts go up when a celebrity suicide occurs or a relative suicide occurs. You can't be there everyday for every person that you care about, but you can share a post that might remind them that they can get help fast, and that you will probably listen if they want to talk to you.

This idea of "just check in with your friends" is awful. It does a huge disservice to the people around suicide victims, as it blames them for not caring enough. It's not like Kate Spade's husband wasn't there for her; it's not like Bourdain's best friend wasn't nearby. People in crisis need more professional help than most of our friends and family are able to provide.

Crisis Text Line is the free, 24/7, confidential text message service for people in crisis. Text HOME to 741741 in the United States.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1-800-273-8255

For those in need, reach out. To your friends and family, who deeply care about you. Know that supporting you is not a burden. Whether you are in crisis or just not sure what "crisis" feels like. Wherever you are, whatever stage of mental health you are in, your family and friends care about you. They want to hear from you. They want to know what they can do for you. 

Tell them ahead of time that you'd appreciate them checking in with you more. Tell them that you think you are heading into a mental health "flare" and that reaching out to others is getting harder and harder. Or just say hi, and that you haven't been feeling great lately. Maybe ask to celebrate something going on in their life. Anything small that you do can help breach the dark bubble that is closing in on you. As you poke and prod the bubble from the inside, your family and friends will start to see you in there, and they can help get you out. 

But also, in crisis, when that bubble has isolated you from everything and has clouded your vision such darkness is all you know, reach out to crisis counselors. The people on the other end of these phone numbers care about you and your life. They care about how hard things seem, and they care about helping you see your place in this world. They want to listen to you, and they want to hear your voice. Most of the people have been where you are, and they can relate really well to your problem. 

Personally, I have been inside that dark bubble. With fibromyalgia flares, the darkness of the bubble comes quickly and surprises me. I doubt that my parents, my partner, my brothers and sister, that any of these people who have promised to love me care at all. But, eventually that bubble is popped, and it is usually when I accidentally reach out to a stranger, to someone who hasn't promised to love me but still seems to care anyway, that the darkness goes away. 

Crisis lines exist to give you that person that surprises you. Poking out towards a crisis line, they come in with a stick and give it to you. You now have a tool that can make it easier to poke out towards your friends, make it easier to battle the bubble that has crowded you for too long. 

I'd be there in a heart beat for so many that I care about. But that is impossible most of the time, and the crisis centers are capable of providing help within that heart beat. If you need help, please reach out to these people, and also your loved ones. Both is good.